Laughing All the Way to My Own North Star

Ohmigosh! How much do I love this book?! My second Book of the Week is Finding Your Own North Star: claiming the life you were meant to live by Martha Beck.

In examining the voice of 'Everyone' that we seem to all have (as in, "Everyone says that I need to get a 'safe' job that pays a pension."), Beck points out that, "Your family of origin does not know how to get you to your North Star. They didn't when you were little, they don't now, and they never will. It isn't their job" (70).

But then to drive the point home she adds that our families of origin, no matter how 'functional' they were, still hold the image of us as two-year olds and will say things like, "And just what makes you think you can create your own Web site/ be a Navy Seal/ date a TV anchorperson? You wet the bed until you were twelve" (69). Not very empowering.

When I did the exercise to figure out who my Everyone was, on whom I was basing my judgments of whether my path was correct or not, I realized I almost creating my expectations of judgment from my family of origin. And my family was not 'functional', not at all. My parents were co-dependents and my father is an alcoholic. Wow! It is still hard to say that in public. I still fear dire consequences. Wacky.

Granted, a few ex-boyfriends sneak in every now and then to chime up that I am not good enough, but they are minor voices in the chorus formed by my parents and brother.

Imagine. I base my decisions to limit my happiness on the opinions (and my imagined opinions) of three people. Three! Three is not Everyone. Not even close.

Enough of that.

The best part is that while she has me examining these painful memories, she also has me laughing out loud with amusing stories and the absurdity of the way our monkey mind keeps us down. Anyone who can make me laugh while thinking of my family is totally worth my time.

This book is definitely Book of the Week material. Check it out at vfactor.ca.

The Actual Osho Zen Spread

The Celtic Key is a 10-card spread and provides significant amounts of information about an issue or state of being in your life. The Osho Zen Tarot has borrowed it and tweaked it a bit to better fit the spirit of zen.

Being in a flustered state on Friday I had problems formulating a clear intention for the spread so it came out like this: Am I headed in the right direction? Am I following my joy and, if so, where is it taking me? Am I wrong in giving up on law school? Am I worthless? How do I reconnect with joyful source?

It was the last part that resonated most strongly. As is often the case with writing, the first portion is often just clearing the way to clarity. So my intention became:

How do I reconnect with joyful source?

After pulling the 10 cards I made my interpretation, which I am going to share with you because it was so reassuring and filled with love. (Bold words are card titles in the spread.)

The issue is Turning In, making contact with my self, listening to my self, my own Inner Voice, the joyful one - with Friendliness, that is, compassion and kindness. But then I start fighting - struggling against the major shift happening inside of me, the changing paradigm, fighting the potential for pure Consciousness - joyful, undifferentiated intuition and my pull towards it. Fighting my old patterns of Ice-olation and frozen-ness.

But look! The new pattern emerging is The Fool - beautiful, pure trust in the Universe. No longer fighting but embracing. Trusting. After this beautiful bridge in the spread I'm right back to fighting.

Fighting the New Vision I am trying to nurture.
Fighting the Harmony I am attracting as I create myself as The Fool.
Fighting my passion and Intensity, afraid to fully commit.
And fighting The Burden - both the one I carry and the one I am afraid will come with mastery and achieving success.

The point:
I need only one thing - to stop fighting.

And there was my 'Aha!' moment. In other words I need to Go With the Flow or drop the lie.

The Universe loves me and is trying to help me. My old patterns are encouraging me to fight against this help - to be afraid and cynical. Fighting even while I feel the pull towards freedom, joy, and trust.

But the tower is crumbling (Thunderbolt) and there are huge changes underway inside of me. Despite the influence of my family.

How cool is that?!

{By the way, I understand that if you do not know Oracle Coaching, then you may not know what I am talking about. Visit V-Factor to learn more about it, and the Zen Osho deck.}

Hooray for re-centering with Zen Tarot!

Thursday night was not a great night. I had been putting off calling my family (for various, long and convoluted reasons...) but I did really want to congratulate my brother and sister-in-law on moving into their new condo and inquire as to baby status since they are having my first nephew in a couple of weeks. Big changes for them!

My intention was to keep it bright, short, and light.

The reality was much closer to my fear. We ended up talking about an estate issue for 45 minutes with various insults and assaults, leaving me feeling emotionally and psychologically beaten.

Then I talked to my beloved who, after doing his successful darnedest to make me feel better announced that he wanted to go out on a 'bender' with his ex-brothers-in-law on Saturday night after the hockey tournament he has been helping to run for the last four days.

{Warning: Girlie stuff follows!}

Plus, I was totally in my PMS, 24-hour existentially delicate phase. Why, oh why, would I call during that time when I know I am vulnerable? Silly me.

{Okay, girlie stuff ends.}

And a final plus: it was the last day of winter and thus the last chance for the winter blahs to sink their teeth in. A bite which I had very successfully avoided this winter.

End result: Me, in tears, not sleeping. And wondering whether everything I am moving towards is a mistake.

Ahem. Yes. I admit it. I am not 100% vivacious. I do get knocked for a loop every now and then. Especially when I talk to my family of origin. Funny how that happens.

Friday, I vented to my clients. They listened, supported me, and made me feel much better. Yes. It's true. Sometimes I feel that I need to be paying them, not the other way around. But there it is.

When I got home, I decided that I needed to do some serious joy-finding. Being the analytic type I made a list of things that I thought would make me feel better - that have made me feel better in the past. Smart me.

Top of that list, and the first activity, was to do an Osho Zen Tarot spread and just check in.

I love oracle decks. And I am a huge fan of the Osho Zen Tarot.

I decided to do a Celtic Key Spread for the first time.

As always, my spread was a huge success. Incredibly accurate, reassuring, and uplifting. But challenging.

I did the spread, interpreted the cards and then had a nap.

Upon waking, I could feel the joy seeping back in - slowly filling me up.

Ahhh... Spring.

Yay!

Happy Equinox!

Last night was the last chance for the winter blahs, and boy did they do their best to derail me.

I have re-centered. I feel joy seeping back in. Nurturing the tender sprout of vivacity.

Plus it was light out at 7 p.m. tonight. How wonderful.

I love, LOVE, LOVE spring.

My love/hate relationship with Jack Canfield

I have been listening to Jack Canfield for years on my car stereo. I bought Dare To Win (Jack and Mark Victor Hansen) years ago and have listened to it many times during the long, dark drive up and down the 400 or 404 (highways around Toronto). This January I bought The Success Principles and have listened to it several times already, especially the first hour. I also own The Power of Focus, but do not have it on cd so I'll leave that out for now.

Here's the thing. I hate sappy stories. They make me cry. Every time. Not only do I hate having to cry (which is a whole other story) but it makes it really awkward to keep driving. And if you have read any of the Chicken Soup for the Soul series you know that his stories are full-on sap. Also, I find Jack's voice kind of annoying (there, I said it, please don't hate me). It is just so soothing. It irritates me.

Which makes me wish I could just toss him to the side and never listen to him again. But I can't. And here's why: he totally rocks. The messages he teaches, the ideas he provides, and the inspiration that is poured into his work all help me become a better person.

So I'll keep listening to Jack, despite the stories and the crying and the soothing voice. I'll keep listening because he gives me hope and faith in this world and in myself.

And I will make The Success Principles my very first Book of the Week at vfactor.ca.

Enjoy. And, Jack, thank you for all of your inspiration.

Does that make me greedy?

I want stuff. I think it is okay to want stuff. There are things I want to be, to do, and to have. Jack Canfield told me it was okay. No, more than okay, vitally important to my self-realization and happiness.

Of course, Wayne Dyer told me that 'intending' something is better than 'wanting' but that is for another day. Let's stick with Jack.

In The Success Principles, Jack recommends making a list of 30 Things I Want To Do, 30 Things I Want to Be, and 30 Things I Want To Have (fyi, Jack loves long lists).

So, the other night, I sat down with my beloved and told him he was going to make a want list. For 15 minutes he was going to complete the sentence, 'I want...' and I was going to write down the answers. Y'see, I have this theory that he is totally disconnected from his preferences, wishes, hopes, and wants, and that is why he cannot seem to dream. We are working on this.

Nevertheless, despite some quiet moments of reflection, 15 minutes later I had 64 of his 'wants'. Not too shabby.

Then I asked him what he thought of it. "Apparently I want a lot of stuff," he replied.

"Indeed," I ventured. Indeed is a great academic word.

"I guess I'm pretty greedy," he continued, looking away from me, waiting for the judgment.

"AHA!" I exclaimed in triumph, much to his confusion, "I guess you had better look at that."

"What?" His confusion now growing, I moved in for the kill. (Yes, you may pity the poor man, having a coach for a girlfriend.)

"How exactly are we supposed to become financially free, accomplish our dreams, and be super-duper happy if you think you are bad and greedy for wanting things? Huh? Huh?" I smiled, possibly to soften the reprimand, but also because I live for this moment.

"Oh," he responded. He hates it when I catch him on stuff like this. "Hmm..."

"That's it! You are totally not allowed to beat yourself up like this. We are getting out the elastic."

"I am fully opposed to the elastic. I want you to know that." He was pouting now, knowing that I was right and his fate was sealed.

Two days later, his welty wrist is slowly getting better and his inner critic is taking a breather. But more about the elastic later.

Launch 2.5 - the sneakily compassionate half-launch

A total first for me - instead of killing myself all weekend to get the site 'just right', I have deadened a swack of links and menu items leaving their addition for a little later.

It was hard. But yesterday around 1 p.m. I realized that I was starting to feel a little overwhelmed.

Now, in the past, I would have crushed this feeling of overwhelm and kept on moving forward, criticizing myself for not having enough done, and for not doing it well enough.

But not yesterday. Nope. I am so proud of me. Instead of stressing myself I asked the question, "What can I do to make this gentle and still wonderful?"

The answer was simple. I realized that this website is not a one-shot deal. It does not all have to be done NOW. It is something that I will be adding to over the next couple of years, expanding and improving, tweaking according to the needs of my clients.

That is why feedback is so very important.

I haven't done the official launch yet - but if you stumble over to vfactor.ca, just, y'know, by accident, please let me know what you think of it so far.

And I will continue to work on it, writing my heart out for your edification.

And if you happen to see a book you like, please click through to Amazon and check it out.

Site in Progress...

It's Saturday and I'm busy working and writing, pondering and planning, trying to come up with the best website that I possibly can.

There is so much to think about. The more I work with the new site the more I realize that I have very little idea what I am doing. I feel like I am peering at the top of the iceberg.

90% of what I need to know is below the surface.

And I am launching on Monday.

Ready. Fire. Aim.

I can't wait any longer. I keep thinking about all that needs to be done to make it perfect, to make it even passable (sigh, I'm a bit of an obsessive perfectionist, I admit it). But I also think about what my hero's keep saying.

To paraphrase Harv Eker, 'Stop waiting to get all your ducks in a row. It'll never happen. In fact, have you ever noticed that ducks never stay in a row for very long. They line up and then something happens and they scatter'.

All right scattery little ducks. Let's see what happens. Less than 48 hours to go. Whoot!

Just a note to say 'Hi!'

Welcome to the new V-Factor Life Design Blog. I'll be discussing where the days take me as I work with clients and build new vivacious lifestyles. Including my own. Whoot!

Liberation is the name of the game.

Feel free to visit my political blog, Passionate Presence;

and my website, vfactor.ca.

Check back for what I hope will be frequent, fun, and informative posts.