Ohmigosh! How much do I love this book?! My second Book of the Week is Finding Your Own North Star: claiming the life you were meant to live by Martha Beck.
In examining the voice of 'Everyone' that we seem to all have (as in, "Everyone says that I need to get a 'safe' job that pays a pension."), Beck points out that, "Your family of origin does not know how to get you to your North Star. They didn't when you were little, they don't now, and they never will. It isn't their job" (70).
But then to drive the point home she adds that our families of origin, no matter how 'functional' they were, still hold the image of us as two-year olds and will say things like, "And just what makes you think you can create your own Web site/ be a Navy Seal/ date a TV anchorperson? You wet the bed until you were twelve" (69). Not very empowering.
When I did the exercise to figure out who my Everyone was, on whom I was basing my judgments of whether my path was correct or not, I realized I almost creating my expectations of judgment from my family of origin. And my family was not 'functional', not at all. My parents were co-dependents and my father is an alcoholic. Wow! It is still hard to say that in public. I still fear dire consequences. Wacky.
Granted, a few ex-boyfriends sneak in every now and then to chime up that I am not good enough, but they are minor voices in the chorus formed by my parents and brother.
Imagine. I base my decisions to limit my happiness on the opinions (and my imagined opinions) of three people. Three! Three is not Everyone. Not even close.
Enough of that.
The best part is that while she has me examining these painful memories, she also has me laughing out loud with amusing stories and the absurdity of the way our monkey mind keeps us down. Anyone who can make me laugh while thinking of my family is totally worth my time.
This book is definitely Book of the Week material. Check it out at vfactor.ca.
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